Empress Gail
by BasboBibbins
Summary: Empress Gail is an amalgamation of seasons 4 and 6. Also, get it? See what I did there? The tittle is a reference to Empress Theresa.
1. Chapter 1

**EMPRESS GAIL  
** **CHAPTER 47: Family Trip.**

This is the story of Little Billy; he had an avian friend named Featherly Cloacton. One day, their families decided to have a space trip together and possibly explore uncharted territory.

"This is fucking dangerous; you could of done this yourselves some time but not with your kids and wives" –Says the avian wife as she leans forward from her chair in an angry gesture.

"Get off my face, wobird. The kids could use some danger in their lives" –Replies the Avian husband, flapping his wings in frustration at his wife's lack of spirit.

"We`re approaching a giant heat field being generated by that planet ahead. I suggest turning back around" –the human dad exclaims-

"see? This is nuts! The kids are scared" –says the avian wife.

"No, we aren't" –the kids state in unison.

"The heat wave is dissipating, while a new one forms further ahead from the planet's surface; it might be cold enough for us to land on the area that's facing us" –the avian dad states.

"What are you crazy, are you outta your mind?" –yells the human mom while getting out of her sit as she walks towards her husband and grabs him by the shoulders- "it's time for you to tell your friend enough is enough"

"but I kinda wanna see what's there. Look, honey; let us just land on that ONE planet and then we will go home" –the husband replies as he gently places his hand over hers against his shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

/then they do indeed land the ship/

"Woah, cool" –points the human kid, Billy out as he runs off flailing his arms from the ship into the beautiful landscape.

"No shit. This is awesome" –Featherly says as she also gets off the ship to run around.

"Hey, be careful" –the avian mom yells as she steps off the ship only to slip and fall, which makes her say: "the ground is so slippery… and shiny".

"What are we looking at, Mr. Cloacton?" –Asks the human dad-

"It seems to be an entirely metallic planet.. made out of what appears to be steel" –the avian dad replies.

"This is great! We've found an unregistered breathable, livable planet …we are going to be rich and famous, right, honey?" –says the human mom and she cling onto her husband's arm with a loving expression while waiting for his answer.

(This planet has tall rusty buildings loosely connected by gigantic wires that hang from structures that stick outward. The ground is a lot shinier and clean but extremely uneven and bumpy, making it seem like huge metal dunes.)

"Hello there… visitors" –interjects a voice coming from a metal figure standing at the top of a dune.

"ALIENS!" –Screams the avian dad.

"It looks more like a robot" –adds his wife.

"Flapping flounders! Gee whiz, boss! They brought a space ship with them!" –says another robotic looking figure that approaches the first one from behind.

"Cool your thrusters; I got this" –the leader makes a hand signal to his buddy and then addresses the visitors again: "so... What brings you here? I am Bombless Bomber; I come from a line of synths whose bodies can produce bombs out of their daily nutrition and they store them as a weapons but I'm defective and different; because of this, they made me their leader".

"Wow, that's not how it would go in any other society" –points out the human dad- "anyway, we are just exploring uncharted space".

"We were created along a number of flying beings, some large enough to carry us with them through space. Together, we would be a cohesive organism; very effective in the carrying out of our creator's commands …but we were separated after creation, and the psychic link has been broken, leaving us unable to communicate and call for extraction. So we've spent 51 years trying to develop space travel …fruitlessly, of course" –Bombless Bomber spews out his giant block of relentless exposition.

"How about we take one of you in our ship, so you can find your flying buddies and they can all come pick you up here?" –exclaims the avian dad.

"Yeah! I was thinking of doing exactly that. Hey! I think they're talking about the Nail Clippers" –says the human dad enthusiastically.

"YES! The nail clippers are our other half! Take me to their leader and all of our problems will be solved!" –happily yells Bombless Bomber as he raises his arms victoriously in the air.

"Yeah… the nail clipper leader; that guy killed our general after he betrayed them. The nail clippers are in bad terms with our people now …but we can drop you off close enough; perhaps you can take a train or something to reach him cuz we obviously can't get too close to any of those guys" –says the avian dad.

"..Did you… betray the Nail Clippers?" –asks Bombless Bomber as his voice starts getting agitated.

"Yeah, but it wasn't really betrayal as much as we just did something we didn't know they didn't want us to do. But to be fair, they did ask us nicely to undo it and we refused. But that's all just politics we have nothing to do with as civilians.. You wouldn't hold that against us, right?" –the avian dad replies as he starts getting visibly nervous-

"Mr. Cloacton, they are a hive mind; they don't understands concepts like 'civilians' or 'not having anything to do with your leader's decisions. We are fucked.. you fucked us. Why did you tell them any of that?" –the human dad whispers to the avian dad's ears as he nervously and shakily clings onto his shoulders-

"Just kill them all and take the ship" –resolves Bombless Bomber. 


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 48: The Crashlanding.  
**  
The MBA Calendar of August is an expensive and huge stapler-type carrier; it drifts tall and proud near a red and green planet while this conversation takes place.

"The humans are here; their ship can be seen at our left, sir" –says Pochola Bier as she addresses her superior in command.

"Good. Let me inform them about the situation at hand" –requests President Golden Feather.

To what Pochola responds: "You'll be online with their ship in 3.. 2.. 1…".

"Salutations, my human friends" –greets the president.

"Mr President; thank you for the honor. We are at your service" –Captain Sean Paul greets back.

"The reason you are here, Captain is the planet to our right. It was recently discovered; it is rich in resources and life, and we plan to build cities and bases here if we are to hope to ever defeat the Nail Clippers and their giant Fuck You lasers" –the president briefs the human ship.

"Hmmm… how can we help?" –replies Captain Sean Paul looking thoughtful.

"Well… Unfortunately, in this planet, we've found the deadliest and most dangerous pieces of wild life in the known universe. So.. if you would kindly go down there and massacre some of these innocent animals to clear us an area so we can start building, that'd be great" –says President Golden Feather.

"Count on me and my crew, Mr. President" –Sean Paul stands firm and salutes.

/Then suddenly, an unknown vessel approaches/

"Unknown contact approaching" –says General Pochola Bier, interrupting the President's conversation.

"Get everyone to try and communicate with them. See if you can do that from your ship too, Captain Sean Paul" –orders the President.

"I'm on it!" –salutes Pochola as she walks off to comply.

"Yes sir" –Captain Sean Paul responds.

But after a while, they don't seem get any reply from the oncoming space ship.

"Well, we tried. Captain, shoot it down" –commands the President.

"Understood! We've tried reaching you but you aren't responding so prepare to be shot down" –transmits Sean Paul to the increasingly accelerating unknown ship.

"Wait, this is Matthew McCounaughey. I'm with my friends, Vladimir Putin and Robin Williams. We are here to rescue our friend.. Brent Spiner." –the unknown ship replies.

"HEY! We got a respond! Do you know anything about these people, Captain?" –asks the President.

"Yeah but… they are most definitively fucking with us, Mr. President" –answers Sean Paul.

"You have permission to act at your discretion" –the President says.

"Open fire against the vessel!" –instructs Captain Sean Paul to his crew.

Then the Unknown ship continues its trajectory in flames towards the planet.

"Good shot, Captain; maybe you can investigate the crash site as you clear us an area down there. We have to go join the rest of the fleet that General Pochola notifies me has encountered Synthetic opposition. Good luck!" –The President delivers his final message to the human ship.

"Good luck to you too Mr. President" –the transmission between the two ships ends as Captain Sean Paul leads his ship towards the imposing and yet inviting surface of this new planet where adventure and awe awaits.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 49: NUKAKE**

The MBA Calendar of August joins the rest of the MBA fleet to fight off Cruisers from the Synthetic faction.

"Our ships are dropping like flies; our fighters are ineffective …we've never seen this kind of technology from the Synths before" –an avian soldier worryingly complains.

"Nothing a coordinated nuke attack won't fix" –says Pochola Bier in a calm and professional tone as the takes an elevator downward while putting on the helmet of her space suit since there's no oxygen where she's going. She then walks and leans forward over a railing, trying to squint at a weird occurrence and says: "Alright… what do we have here.. Seriously, what the fuck is this? Anyone? …why isn't there anyone here at the lower deck?".

Pochola starts walking the deck until she sees a shadowy figure sprint by, to what she reacts by immediately chasing after it and yells "STOP!" as she pulls out her gun.

"What seems to be the problem, Miss?" –the shadowy figure asks after having stopped.

"Who are you? Holy Birdus! Are you a human? What's a human doing here?" –Pochola adds while really starting to get agitated as she points her gun at the intruder.

"I am from the Jesuit order of the Catholic Church.. and I am sorry to inform you …your enemy has gained our favor …that is indeed bad news for you" –suddenly disappears into dust, to what Pochola reacts by firing all of her rounds from how sudden and startling that was.

"What is everyone doing? There is an intruder in the lower deck" –tells Pochola to the crew as she communicates through radio to the bridge.

"Pochola! We'll look into that later; now it's time to fire the nukes. Have you checked them?" –Asks Golden Feather-

"I have, but something seems to be wrong" –she replies while walking back to the strange anomaly she saw earlier and squints again reading: "Some of the nukes have been replaced.. One of them reads… NUKAKE… I would recommend not launching them"

"We have to do it, this is our only shot" –Golden Feather firmly states.

Pochola decides that her best course of action is to jump off the railing into space as she launches herself with a powerful jump in an attempt to get herself as far from the Calendar of August as possible. As she floats away, she has a clear view of the ship breaking apart from numerous explosions that start generating from whiting until finally it splits in half followed by a thick white liquid expanding into space from inside the ship and she thinks to herself: "Damn… this is bad …".

She then proceeds to try and communicate with the other ships in the fleet but nothing seems to work… she starts worrying for her life as she continues drifting away into space and thinks: "This suit protects me from cold.. and I will starve long before running outta oxygen …this could definitively be my end…" 


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 50: Are You Fucking Kidding Me? /Crash Site.**

"Go, go, go!" –yells Commander Sean Paul as his men (and women) disembark the ship.

After a while of walking though hot and thick jungle, a woman in Sean Paul's battalion opens her mouth to speak (how dare she, am I right fellows?): "oh.. that must be it. What's with that cross?"

"Eh? Who are you? Have I ever seen you before?" –asks Sean Paul.

"I'm Mary Sue …sir" –replies the girl.

"Oh, okay; let's try to approach the downed ship and see who it belonged to before establishing a perimeter arou… wait a second" –says Sean Paul as he is interrupted by a hatch from the downed ship shooting off and opening, to what he reacts by aiming his gun at it, as many of his men do.

A human in a suit comes out walking, soliciting a shock reaction from Sean Paul, who is made to say in bafflement: "T..that really is Vladimir Putin"

Vladimir Putin smiles at Sean Paul and his men as two other people come out of the downed ship; them being Mathew McConaughey and Robin Williams.

"This has to be a joke" –States Sean Paul.

"I think it isn't" –interjects Mary Sue as she walks towards the suited men like being drew to them.. as if this was always part of her destiny.

Matthew McConaughey steps forward and talks, addressing everyone: "We are here to rescue our friend.. you took down our ship.. but I'll hope you have such a change of hearth as to make it up to us by helping us find him"

"Yeah.. I've been kind of an asshole. You can count on us" –says Sean Paul.

"We need to get to Brent quickly; his penis could be in danger" –Robin Williams adds.

"Wait what?" –Sean Paul asks confused.

"Did he just say penis?" Mary Sue also asks, adding to the confusion.

Then they all set march, off to save Brent Spiner; but before they get to him, they are stopped by the sound of loud maniacal laughter coming from a fiery pit they come across.

"Intelligent life! What could it be? Let's see.." –says Robin Williams as he walks towards it, asking the others with a hand gesture to do the same.

Then they find out it's SATAN! The Devil himself, disturbingly getting too much enjoyment out of torturing a poor man.

"hey, look! It's Gerard Butler!" –exclaims Vladimir Putin as he points towards the Devil's victim.

"Help me!" –Yells Gerard Butler in pain.

"Hey… another incredibly famous person from the age of incorporation of earth …all in the same day and the same planet. Who would have guessed?" –adds Sean Paul sarcastically, starting to get incredulous about everything he's seeing.

"We have to help him; he's our friend" –says Matthew McConaughey.

"Alright, everybody shoot the devil …I guess. Is that really the Devil? Whatever, open fire" –orders Sean Paul in a disinterested tone.

Then they manage to make the devil retreat but it's mostly thanks to Mary Sue's contribution in the firefight, but before the devil is completely done; he spawns an army of men in long coats who look like priests of some sort, only with guns. Then a drawn out battle between the priest guys and Sean Paul's forces breaks loose.

After Sean Paul comes out victorious, although be it with several loses; the group continues on their quest, now joined by Gerard Butler. They then fight herds of Eyebowls (That's the name of the creature native to this planet who are incredibly aggressive) until an angelical figure slowly descends before them from above.

Everyone stops walking as they look up in awe but Sean Paul has a different reaction; he drops his weapon hard in anger and asks with a really exasperated tone: "Okay, what now?"


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 51: Facts About Snails.**

Pochola Bier wakes up in a strange place after having been unconscious for a while. She gets up from the ground and dusts off ask she starts walking towards a silver lining that catches her attention and lights up a nice spot on the ground.

Then, from the ground a fucking talking flower emerges and says: "Howdy, I'm Flowey; Flowey the Flower. Want some fucking friendliness pellets, bitch?".

"What?" –asks Pochola as she gets visibly confused.

"Down here it's kill or be killed" –Threatens Flowey as he pulls out a knife and points it at Pochola.

"Oh, Geez!" –exclaims Pochola, not scared but shocked at how violent and erratic that little flower is and requests: "Take it easy, will ya?"

Then another creature comes along to "save" Pochola, even though she wasn't in any real danger. The creature throws fire at the flower, making it go away and asks: "Are you alright, child?"

To what Pochola replies: "Child? I'm over 50 years old. What are you talking about?".

"Poor little thing. Did the mean scary monster hurt you?" –continues to ask the creature as she hunches over toward Pochola.

"Stop it!" –demands Pochola starting to get annoyed.

"I'm Toriel. You'll be safe with me here; Homeworld is a dangerous place" –the creature says.

"What's Homeworld?" –Pochola asks.

"That's what we called our planet, dear. Now, why don't you come with me? I have a room in which you can live" –suggest Toriel.

"Fucking brilliant name; you and the humans would get along nicely, and I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm wearing a suit, the suit says I can't breathe in here and I'm gonna run outta oxygen sooner or later, so no; I can't stay and live with you …creep" –says Pochola, displaying some serious sass.

"Mommy, Toriel! Is that a new sister for us? Tell me you adopted her" –Enthusiastically yells a nimble synth.

Pochola, at the sight of a synth; quickly tries to reach her side arm only to find she doesn't have it.

"You aren't trying to kill anyone, are you? Someone could make you have a bad time for that kind of behavior" –Toriel tells Pochola.

"Mom, what's going on? Did someone new fall down here?" –ask a striker synth that enters the scene.

"HOLY SKIES! Why are there synths here? And why aren't they trying to tear me to pieces?" –Pochola asks sincerely curious.

"We fell here after we barely escaped our ship exploding and were propelled into space at a crazy speed. We wouldn't have each other right now if we wouldn't had quickly thought of holding hands, and by that I mean everyone holding onto me. Now we are all brothers and Toriel is our mom; ain't that right, mommy?" –a nail clipper synth explains in painful detail.

"You fuckers… killed my husband" –Pochola reminds them as she clenches her wing.

"We have changed… we left the hive mind to become individjuls. You know what kind of situation that entails; we're no longer mad at you for betraying our leader and we don't really feel guilty about killing your husband because none of us personally did it. We're free now.. and we found what we were always looking for… a good Magic batch …their orb keeper must have been defeated in this planet thousands of years ago; now they're stranded here forever and we along with them… but it's heaven for us. We were created with this purpose in mind; to free a magic batch, and now we know what that looks like …I just wish we could share this knowledge with the universe and make the organics see that giving the Magics a second change is a cause worth fighting for… it's a cause worth going extinct for… that's at least what the Reds believe" –the nail clipper continues to run his noise box.

"Are you telling me these things are magics? If I had any of my weapons I'd be genociding them right now. I don't care about what a herd of fucking ugly reds envisioned in ancient times" –talks Pochola dismissively with a lot of edge.

"Don't kill us… we'll be gone forever until we can form a new orb keeper.. and for that we need to come into contact with magic that's far across the universe …or for it to be destroyed. Every death has been ethereally mourned; we might live forever but we can't reproduce and once one of us is gone, our numbers suffer the consequences permanently" –interjects Toriel joining the exposition parade.

"Hehe… remember you were weirded out by us calling you Magics, mom? You insisted we called you monsters for the longest time" –adds the striker synth.

"Alright… I guess I'll have a heartwarming time here until I find a way to get back and in the process I'll realize the error of my ways and go from a Magic hater to a Magic lover, and everything will be just… fine, right?" –says Pochola Bier continuing to add some more salt. 


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 52: Howard Hughes's Grand Daughter.  
**  
"We… missed you so much" –tells Matthew McConaughey, whipping a bit while being kneeled down before his empress.

Then the ominous and radiant figure steps a bit forward and gently says: "d'aww, come here, my men. I know you've missed me despite us having been having brain to brain in a regular basis and you having your Gail sex dolls; because only Gail is good enough for either of you, you have your taste spoiled to the point you only go for the best woman in existence, don't you?" –she opens up her arms in a welcoming gesture as the famous men gather to hug her warmly. She giggles and says: "You need the real deal; I can take care of that, but we can't do it in front of all these people. Let me ask them what they want …I've never seen them before".

"I swear I can kill myself if I have to go any longer without you" –Robin Williams says.

"What the fuck is going on, dude? Has it just been implied that all these world class actors and a world leader are in love with this woman? …and they have… SEX DOLLS OF HER? This is becoming too much" –Sean Paul says being fed up with the events around him.

"Hey, don't be an asshole; these guys share a deep and intense love for this woman and you aren't one to judge them in their endeavors" –Mary Sue interjects making use of her righteous wisdom.

"And you are not one to talk back to me. I am the leader of this squad and you maggots may only speak when spoken to" –states Sean Paul while threateningly shaking his fist at Mary Sue but his expression is quickly changed when we turns his sight at the mysterious woman who's about to speak.

"You don't seem fit to me to be the leader of anything; so you're demoted …and the girl can take your position" –the woman says.

"Who are you to demote me? I've never seen or heard of you… this is ridiculous" –replies Sean Paul looking back at his men with an 'am I right' expression on his face.

"My name is Gail Chord Schuler; I am the supreme empress of earth" –states Gail.

Then, Sean Paul completely baffled and confused says: "What? I did not know earth had an empress… seriously; WTF is this shit?"

"now it does… now move aside because now I will only talk to these soldiers through this girl. What's your name dear?" –asks Gail as she comes down the hill.

"My name is Mary Sue" –replies Mary Sue.

"ahh… since the great Gary Stu sacrificed himself for our cause; it was prophesized that someone like him would come along someday… and I feel in my heart that someone is you" Gail speaks while putting her hands over Mary Sue's shoulders as she gives her a loving smile.

"Golly Gee Willikers, sweet and wise empress; I don't know what to say" –says Mary Sue at a loss for words.

Mary Sue up to this point had always been a sassy and condescending bitch, always threating everyone around with disrespect and dismissal, but now she seems to have come across someone she can truly respect and admire.

"Now we must stop Loree McBride and her Jesuits. Loree must be raping Brent Spiner in this very moment as we speak. Here, have the Mary Sue rifle; it can fire any kind of projectile after scanning it …hey, the rifle's got your name.. I just now realized that" –says Gail as she hands the weapon to Mary Sue.

"Thanks you so much; it's beautiful. Hey, are Jesuits those priest we fought earlier?" –asks Mary Sue after taking the rifle.

"If you had to fight any sort of priests here, yes. This planet is infested with them. Now let's go; we have a lot to do" –states Gail as she inspires everyone by raising her sword. ****


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 53: A New War Breaks Out.  
**  
There is a wide shot of Schlapente's northern hemisphere being approached by a synth space fleet while the next audio plays in the form of a broadcast announcement:

"The red people's legacy continues on, now more alive than ever; even more so than when they were still here themselves. Their synth army is finally whole; here I have with me the great Bombless Bomber; he and I, Slightly Bigger Nail Clipper, will make you all organics regret the moment you decided to defy the red's will. Soon you'll realize how relentless and reaching our might is, you'll know it when your resources quickly thin out trying to fight us; you will know it when you find yourselves with nowhere else to hide. This can only end with the Magic Batch being released or our total annihilation." -SBNC gives his speech. **  
**


End file.
